Information Overload.

Sometimes I feel like I am just so overwhelmed with information. It’s like every time I get ‘stuck’ or have a hard time with something, I try to find the solution online somewhere.

I have a feeling I’m not the only one, but it’s hard to think beyond that.

Take sleep training the kids, for instance. We have had ups and downs with getting the kids to sleep in their own beds. I thought maybe if I bought some magical or perfect item off Amazon that had amazing reviews from other parents who swore by it; that would be the key to keeping them in their beds.

My dumbass failed to even think of my parents and their parents and their parents and so on. They didn’t have any of this shit!

But I bought it anyways. Several things. And at the end of the day, the only thing that proved to work was a combinations of bribes (For my daughter) and being consistent with returning them to their rooms after they’ve come into our room. Eventually they realized that no matter how many times they got up and came to mommy and daddy’s room, they always ended up right back in their room.

It was great, I felt accomplished. But it didn’t last very long, we got tired lol but at least we know what works.

I mean, sure; I still bought them some glow in the dark stars to put on their ceiling to see if that worked, too (jury’s still out).

I just wish I didn’t feel this automatic pull to Googling whatever issue I’m having and use my own creativity first. I used to come up with my own decor inspiriation all the time, but now I’m finding myself installing and uninstalling Pinterest every few days. It’s a tiring cycle I’ll tell you that lol

But even just admitting this is giving me some peace of mind and gaining back a bit of confidence that I kind of know some things and can manage on my own. Sure if I want to learn how to build rocket ships, I’ll watch a YouTube video. I’m just going to be a lot more conscious of what I rely on my on wits for vs the Googs.

I Got Wasted The Other Day

I’m not even going to lie, I was messed up. Like bad. I could hardly walk the next day I was so hungover lmao so what had happened was…

I was supposed to go out with some gal pals, but we rescheduled for another day, cool. I was already getting dressed, so I told my hubby “let’s go out”. He didn’t hesitate and got ready right away. Well…

While I was getting ready, I decided to have some of the Mai Tai pre-mixed drinks. These suckers are 12.5% alcohol.

I had 2.

Then my mom came over, the kids got settled, we left for the bar. Luckily we went to a bar that was 2 minutes away (I probably would have thrown up in my car).

While we were there, we had nothing but Green Tea shots and sipped beer. I don’t know exactly how many shots we had, but I don’t think it was excessive. I know I was twerking and dancing all over the place though.

So we leave that bar and hit up a country club right next to it; we walked across the street. We stayed there for maybe 20 minutes and I was like “We gotta go, I’m over it”. It was also my time of the month, so the fatigue was starting to do me nasty. It was late.

We get home and I’m fine until I take off my shoes and start to get ready for bed. I literally just start throwing up! I felt more sick than anything!

Looking back, I think the hookah that we smoked got me like that. It set me over, but had such a delayed effect. Suddenly, AT HOME, I was drunk. I threw up once that night and once again in the morning. The day after was freaking terrible lol I had zero energy!

I finally ate soup around 4pm that day and haven’t had any alcohol since, haha. I finally feel ready to have a glass of wine tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes!

✨SQUATCH

A New Flag for America

Macy Gray thinks we need a new flag for America to ‘represent all of us’. This comes after President Joe Biden aka Money Bag Joe, signed Juneteenth into law as a federal holiday.

Yeah, you read that right! Finally, after all these years, it’s a federal holiday!

Check out the article from NME about Macy Gray and see what she had to say about everything.

And if you’re unaware of what Juneteenth is, it’s the holiday the Black community celebrates to commemorate our Emancipation Day. See, slaves were free since Jan. 1, 1863 but news didn’t reach the South, specifically Galveston, until June 19, 1865.

For one, can you imagine being a slave and waiting for the day you’re free? And then find out that you’ve been free for 2 and a half years but continued to work as a slave?

Imagine the number of slaves who’s lives were lost during those 2 and a half years because they tried to escape or were disobedient.

It’s a lot to take in and is a hard holiday for me to stomach. I celebrate, because it’s such a huge milestone that the Southern slaves were finally free. It’s just also so sad and disheartening to know they had to suffer another 2 and a half years.

Stuff like that makes me lean harder on my heritage and Black community. I did a Juneteenth ride on Peloton yesterday, and I hit a new PR. The power, the rage, the something to prove, it all motivated me and gave me the strength.

So next year, on 6/19, be sure to either be silent and listen or shout at the top of your lungs in celebration; everyone has a part to play.

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I’m Almost at 100 Rides on Peloton!

Ok, this may not be a big deal to you, but I am absolutely freaking out right now! I have completed 96 rides on my Peloton bike.

I SAID NINETY-SIX RIDES!!

When I first started my Peloton journey, I really thought I was going to ride for about 3 months, lose a ton of weight and be done.

That’s not exactly what happened…

It’s been over a year now, and I’ve lost about 23 lbs but gained so much more muscle back. My legs used to be incredibly toned when I was…well…”pre-baby” weight. I lost a lot of muscle mass all around but especially noticed the lack therof in my legs.

Now, I’ve got some definition again! They’re toning up nicely, and my stamina is improving with every ride. I used to only barely be able to get through a 15 minute ride or less. Now I’m signing up for 45 min rides, and not feeling like the world is going to end afterwards.

I’m just so proud of where I’ve come and genuinely looking forward to where I’m going.

If you have a bike or ride, add me on the Peloton app! My username is AshTheWinosaur

Where I stand

It shouldn’t surprise me anymore, but it always does, when people ask me for something waaaay out of their jurisdiction.

I don’t ask people for much, if anything at all. Maybe a “can you pick this up for me cause I don’t have time to get it” or something like that. But people find themselves asking me for 3 arms and a leg sometimes.

Like, we haven’t talked in a WHILE but you feel the courage to ask me for some money? And then volunteered yourself for more? To charge me for something I never asked you to do?

Well…

At least I know where I stand.

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Trust me, you’re not alone.

Sometimes people like to say, “oh I get it” and “yea girl, I hear you”, but they have no f*ckin idea what they’re talking about. How could they understand when you feel like a complete disappointment because both you and your kids have worn the same clothes for the past 3 days, and you barely remember to brush your own teeth?

I’m not saying none of them get it, but some of these broads are out here looking like magazine articles, putting up fronts, and acting like being a mom is cupcakes and roses.

Well, it’s not. More like shitty blowouts and weird mom rage.

I have a hard time accepting those moments of intense rage when I tell my 3 year old daughter to stop doing something to her 1 year old bro or to just be quiet while I’m on a conference call. I lash out and scream and am then filled with an unforgettable guilt for the way I behaved. I literally have a lump in my throat as I write this; how terribly was I?!

I told my husband and best friend about it, and they both assured me I wasn’t acting unreasonable and I should forgive myself. I still feel terrible, though! I’m supposed to be this knight-ess in shining armor for them; showering them with love, happiness, and got damn rainbows. How can I feel so dark inside sometimes?

It’s because…it’s normal. It really is. Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, it means you have to deal with the irrational emotions and weird feelings sometimes. I have never once thought about harming my kids, but I have been so over-exhausted and blown out, I called my husband and told him I feel like just walking out of the house and waiting for him to get home. Of course I didn’t and wouldn’t do anything to put them in a bad or dangerous position. My point is that if you feel or think something that makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone and not abnormal. Of course if you feel like you might actually do those things, then talk to someone about it.

These are the things people don’t tell you when you’re pregnant. They tell you about the fun shit. Well, here’s the real: You’re going to be dirty. Angry. Confused. Proud. Tired. Tired. & f*ckin tired. Sad. Anxious. Terrified. Honored. Frustrated. Insecure. But above all, you’ll be so in love with the little creatures you created.

So put that hair up, pour that glass of wine, and let the day pass. You’ll get through it. At the end of the day, you always pull through. When it’s too much to take, lay the baby in the crib and take a breather. Or give your toddler a tablet or your cell phone for at least 20 mins of quiet time for you. Do what you have to do for your own sanity. Have someone babysit this weekend and GET OUT THE HOUSE.

Happy mommin.

Entitled.

So y’all know I started selling wine and educating people about wine as a side business. It’s been popping since COVID. I’ve been doing online parties or people who never ordered from me before decided to finally order (because they can’t take their ass into a grocery store now to buy wine).

I recently did a party and had the weirdest experience. The host was very much a wine drinker, and she said so were her friends. She even referred to themselves as winos. So I’m thinking, ok this is about to be a great event with good sales and a lot of fun.

The event starts and I realize they are all really into themselves. They sometimes make a comment or two that kind of comes off as rude to me, just by the way they say it.

But I kept my cool and continued with presenting the wines. The further along we got aka the more they drank, the more annoying they were!

By the end of the part, I was like these muhfuckas better order $100 a piece or I’m …

I started wrapping up and explained how to order. I then announced that I was ready to take orders and all I saw were blank faces.

Super fucking blank faces.

I set expectations with the Host before the event l, with the guests before and during the event.. how did this happen?

The host starts to get annoyed at the fact that I’m telling people to order. Then she starts talking to them in a lower voice where I can hardly hear. So I’m sitting there, uninvolved, and asked if anyone had any questions or anything. Then I pretty much got the “you’re dismissed” response.

Who the fuck do these people think they are? Did they look down on me for what I was doing?

It’s funny because at the beginning of the party we do a quick intro and I let them know what I really do for work and that wine is a side thing. I also told them where I went to college. Their faces could collapsed at the sound of that. Who would have thought a Black girl with tattoos was so educated…

Needless to say they were the most entitled group of “adults”. They were all in their 30s but acted 17. Times like this make me question a lot of things about having a side business that essentially is geared towards catering to people/helping them. Some people don’t deserve the quality of service I give.

I licked my wounds with a glass of red and went to sleep. Thankfully, I didn’t send the host a message out of rage!

One of the greatest things I’ve read in a long time…

www.bible.com/111/mat.21.22.niv

I have been skipping out on doing my daily bible readings and finally decided to open up the Bible App today. When I tell you it was spot on with my life, it was!

I have been praying about a better career for my husband, being able to get a bigger family car for us, and plenty of other things. All of them have happened or in the process of happening.

Recently, there was something in particular I was praying about, and it seemed like it was about to get set into motion. Then the good ol’ doubt and fear started to set in. I started thinking of all the reasons why it wouldn’t work and why I didn’t deserve it.

I hate when that happens. There’s no reason for me to all of a sudden think that the good stuff won’t happen for me when it’s been happening for a very long time now.

I’ve been through some shit.

Like some really tough shit that you would see in a movie or something.

But I always got back up, strong in my faith and didn’t question it. I didn’t know if things were going to work themselves out, but I was confident I would be ok and had faith.

And here I am, after living through many situations that I know have turned out amazing because of Him, all of a sudden doubting myself??

I’m so glad I read that segment today. It really was something I needed to hear. A great reminder that everything I need Him to do for me through prayer is always a success when I truly believe it will happen.

Maybe you needed to hear it too. God will be there for you and will answer your prayers. It may not be on your time, but it will happen.

Howdy.

I’m almost 8 weeks postpartum and I must say

Shit. Is. Real.

It’s not even baby stuff, it’s me. It’s personal stuff. It’s the way I feel. My anxiety is trying to make its debut, so I’m hitting the black and white. The good ol’ Bee El Oh Gee to bring me back to life.

What’s good y’all!?

Me? Oh I’ve just been hustling like my life depended on it. And no, I’m not slanging cocaine or ganja. I’m slanging wine!

I’ve invested in myself and started my wine business. It was slow to pickup at first, but now that I’m selling to strangers, business is good.

Isn’t that crazy? I find it hard to find support from the people who know me. Besides a handful of people, everyone else pretty much tells me to kick rocks. They share and post about fake news and wack ass celebrities but can’t take the millisecond to share one of my posts to support my business?

It’s utter bullshit to me, but I’m used to it now. It’s sad but it is what it is. Or it is what it ain’t, as my hubby says.

Beyond that, I’ve started http://www.ashleythewinosaur.com for all things wine related. I’m keeping this chocolate Sasquatch blog for my personal writings. My rants like this and poetry and shit. My Winosaur blog is for me to go on and on about the delicious ass wines that I have to offer and being a part of my team to make money doing the same thing.

I would love nothing more than to become very successful with my wine business, not only for myself and my family, but also just to see the look on everyone’s face.

It feels reeeeally good to accomplish something that every says you can’t. And I am SO ready for that day! I’m just going to be a patient and silent killer lol

So do me a favor, if you’ve read this far, please go to http://www.ashleythewinosaur.com and just subscribe! No need to even buy anything just subscribe and we’ll vibe from there.

Ha. Subscribe and vibe. That’s going to be my new catch phrase.

I’m outie ✌🏾